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Properly used, positive reinforcement is extremely powerful. -B.F. Skinner |
How to say NO positively to your kids??
Being a parent I have observed that we use ‘NO’ to our children frequently. Once our toddler starts throwing thing we say ‘NO’. They put things in their mouth we say ‘NO’. If we start counting – Our ‘NO’ will be more than our ‘YES’. Have you ever thought that how helpless our kids feel when they hear this word?
We parents say ‘NO’ for their good, but our child is very small to understand this fact. For them ‘NO’ is like restriction, which they don’t like.
Why do we fear the word ‘YES’?
We parents are not comfortable with the word ‘YES’ because we think that it may mislead our child. I am not asking you to spoil your child with ‘YES’ for everything. My point is to tell your child the potential consequences of the action. Saying ‘YES’ to reasonable requests gives our child his own space. Constant ‘NO’ can hinder their development and they won’t be able to live independently.
Our ‘NO’ could be changed into ‘YES’ while still getting what we want from our children. We are unaware of the fact that we do thousands of negative interaction with our child but our child is aware of everything.
Once they get used to of hearing ‘NO’ frequently, they stop bothering or they start throwing tantrums.
| Positive reinforcement changes behavior for the better, while criticism stabilizes negative behavior and block change.
Virginia H. Pearce |
I am putting some live example in front of you which can help you turn your ‘NO’ into ‘YES’.
EXAMPLE1)“Can I buy this toy?” Negative – “No”. Move forward. Positive – Yes you can but is it worth to spend on this toy. 2) “Can I eat chocolates?” Negative – NO, it’s not good for health. Positive – Yes, you can but I think it’s not the right time. 3) Suppose kids are throwing things unnecessarily. Negative – NO, Stop it! Stop it! Postive – I am thrilled to see your energy level, I think we should utilize it with some good learning activities. |
Saying ‘YES’ doesn’t mean you set them free but it does create a positive learning environment towards the kids. Remember it’s important to say NO also keeping in mind that it doesn’t hurt your child’s mind. Sometimes loving your child means setting limits and saying ‘NO’.
Note- Preserve your ‘NO’ for big things and deal small with ‘YES’.
| Children will not remember you for the material things you provided But for the feeling that you cherished them.
-Richard L. Evans |
Did these tips help you? Let me know in the comment section so that I can continue on this journey of sharing my experiences. Furthermore, I would love to hear more about your experiences and please share your tips if you want to.
You are absolutely correct. Kids hear ‘No’ so much from us and we get surprised when we hear the word coming from them and keep thinking how come s(he) has learnt to say ‘No’ for everything.
Sometimes straight ‘No’ is what required but I also agree that instead of saying straight no, slightly changing our sentence can give them an idea that there is always a better way of putting words.
Slight change can bring a big change?
I loved your positive parenting tips here. YEs at times kids het so much irritated they say why you always say no to everything. But there is an alternative to share the same to kids. I loved reading your post.
Indeed , there are many better alternatives to ‘No’. But not all work for young kids. I literally have to be very creative, thinking of different ways to avoid saying No,
True, all we need to do is to avoid saying NO
Infact the opposite is working for me nowadays. The other day my son wanted to do a car ride (battery one in malls). He was about to throw a tantrum and before he could do, I said a yes. By the time we reached the car, he said he doesn’t want to do that. So at time it’s just testing our patience level 😉
Bang on we need to learn to use the right words with the kids
I think this is really difficult to practice though I would really like to.
some of the pointers in this post might help me to do it successfully.
Lovely post! Thanks for sharinf it. Yes, we can manipulate the sentences and instead of saying No directly we can explain the effects, consequences and scenarios to them and let them decide or think on it.
These are some great positive parenting tips.Thanks for sharing your insights
Very positive parenting tips. Somehow, saying no comes too easily and we do not even think before saying.